Laura Dave is a New York Times bestselling author of novels like The Night We Lost Him (available now) and The Last Thing He Told Me, which became an Apple TV+ series starring Jennifer Garner. She's also a foodie -- many of Dave's books incorporate a delicious element, like the brown butter and sage pasta from The Last Thing He Told Me. In this essay shared exclusively with PEOPLE, Dave, 47, takes readers on her quest to find the perfect stuffing -- and shares her recipe just in time for Thanksgiving.

When I was in my early 20s, I went to a Friendsgiving near Brighton Beach, Brooklyn and had the best stuffing I've ever tasted.

I can't remember exactly how many of us were there -- a dozen people, maybe more. What I do remember is that a lot of us were crammed into that small apartment. We sat on blankets in the living room because the host (a musician that my friend Jenny had just started dating) didn't have chairs -- or a table. He did have these old, steel windows which, despite the cold, he kept open because someone had forgotten the turkey in the oven and the whole apartment smelled like a campfire.

It was a potluck and everyone brought a dish or a bottle of wine or both. I don't know with any certainty what I ate that night (I'm guessing not that turkey), but the cornbread stuffing was a showstopper. It was tart and sweet and buttery and spicy, all at once. I don't think it had any meat in it, but I can't swear to that. I'm fairly certain it had fresh sage. But I'll never know for sure.

I didn't ask the host who had brought the stuffing that night or secure the exact recipe, and it haunted me for a long time. At some point, years later, I even asked Jenny if she could help me get to the bottom of the mystery.

"You're not seriously asking me to reach out to Tom to get you a recipe?" she asked.

I do not hate stuffing. I love it. I like the bad kind and the good kind. I like stuffing from a box. I'm one of those people who, when November rolls around, feels lucky that I get to eat it again. If you want to judge me for this, that's fair. Sometimes, I judge myself.

And still, I'm certain that the Brighton Beach cornbread stuffing was in a league of its own. Which is why I spent years trying to recreate the recipe. I used cornbread from a bakery. I made it from scratch. I experimented with thyme and chestnuts and salted butter. One year (at the suggestion of a chef-friend), I added jalapeño chicken sausage. Another year (at the request of my sister-in-law) I made it dairy-free.

With each new rendition, I would ask my husband to taste-test with me. He'd tell me which he liked better, but he wasn't there that night. He couldn't tell me which iteration was closer.

In my more honest moments, I would acknowledge that it had been too long: that I no longer knew myself. That even, if by some luck, I came upon the very same stuffing I had that night, I would likely not recognize it anymore.

This is so close, I might say. But...not quite it.

This is how it goes, after all. We forget even the things we swear we will never forget. People and places and perfect recipes. And in our efforts to prove to ourselves we can still hold these things in our hands, we tell ourselves a story about them: What they meant. What they were. What they still could be.

But this story isn't accurate -- because it can't be. With each nostalgic swipe of the old lives and old loves we no longer frequent, we add in a layer of all the lives we've lived since. And we place a fresh seal on it.

That's the price of memory, isn't it? It chooses what you believe.

As for the cornbread stuffing, I now have it down to a science. It only took accepting that I never had it before, certainly not in Brighton Beach.

1. Preheat oven to 350°. Grease an 11- x 7-inch (2-quart) baking dish with butter.

2. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium. Add onion; cook, stirring often, until translucent, 3 to 4 minutes. Add celery and ¼ teaspoon of the salt; cook, stirring often, until vegetables are softened, about 5 minutes.

3. Transfer onion mixture to a large bowl; add cornbread, cherries, parsley, and sage. Fold gently to combine. Gradually add chicken broth, ¼ cup at a time, until stuffing is moist. Fold in beaten eggs, pepper, and remaining ¼ teaspoon salt.

4. Transfer cornbread mixture to prepared baking dish; cover with aluminum foil. Bake in preheated oven until stuffing is set in the center, 25 to 30 minutes. Uncover, and continue to bake until crispy on top, 10 to 15 more minutes.