DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 40 years, "Savannah," has been in a bad marriage for 20 of those. Her husband has cheated on her repeatedly. He can't keep a job, and he emotionally abuses her and her daughter. Now that she's finally fed up, he refuses to leave the house.

Despite how bad his behavior has been, Savannah is doing nothing to move the divorce forward. She continues paying for his travel and includes him in family get-togethers in what she calls a "sacrifice," made at her daughter's request.

It has been incredibly difficult to be supportive, hear about how harmful this has been, support her when she says she's getting out, and then hear that for one reason or another he's still there. When I challenge her and suggest she's making excuses for not progressing with the divorce, she becomes defensive and shuts down the conversation.

Over the last two years, she has taken to calling me twice a day, and becomes frustrated if I don't answer. I have asked her to stop telling me stories about her husband's behavior -- which usually lasts a week or two. I am at my wits' end about how to be a good friend without taking on the stress of her horrible situation and feeling generally overwhelmed by her outreach. What can I do to help her, but also prevent our friendship from imploding? -- WEARY FRIEND IN MICHIGAN

DEAR WEARY FRIEND: What you may need to do is accept that one of the reasons Savannah's dysfunctional marriage has lasted as long as it has is because she wants it to. She doesn't need to move forward because she has you to dump on when the pressure becomes too great.

It may be time to stop focusing on what you can do to help Savannah and concentrate on what you need to do to help yourself. If that means stepping back and letting her find solutions to her problems without your help, don't feel guilty for doing it.

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